Pillow War
by bookfreak1317
Summary: Harry has a pillow pet and Draco has a Happy Napper. Each think that theirs is better. There is only one way to solve this world crisis: Pillow War! Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing
1. The War Begins

**Pillow War**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling would never write a crack fic like this.**

**Summary: Harry has a pillow pet and Draco has a Happy Napper. Each think that theirs is better. There is only one way to solve this world crisis: Pillow War! Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing**

**Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing**

**A/N** Hey people, I wrote this a few months ago, when I got inspiration at a friends sleepover. I was sitting on a couch, cuddling with my lion pillow pet, whose name is Godric, who happened to be 'borrowing' my friend's Gryffindor tie. And instead of the plot bunny gods giving me inspiration for my other stories at the time, they made me write a whole other story.

I did have this story posted before, but I was having issues with the second chapter and this chapter before had some problems. But it's okay now! I fixed them and this is as funny as ever! YAY! :D

Please read, enjoy and review this story! The more reviews I get, the quicker I update! :)

**xoxo bookfreak1317**

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><p>"It's a pillow, it's a pet! It's a pillow pet!"<p>

Hermione gave a sigh as she rubbed her temples.

"Yes Harry, we get it. Your new Pillow Pet can become a pillow and a pet. It's very cool."

"No Hermione. It's not cool. It's amazingly awesome! I don't think any Wizard and Witch would ever be able to think of it! I must be the only one to have one! So now I have a pillow, a pet and a..."

"Harry would you please shut up! I don't care about your Pillow Pet! I honestly think they're just plain stupid and a waste of money! I know you're really rich, with the Potter fortune, the Black fortune and what the Ministry paid you for destroying Voldemort, but if you spend everything on there stupid things, you'll be living on the streets!" Hermione snapped.

The rest of the Gryffindors stared in shock at Hermione. They had seen Hermione snap at people before, but never at Harry. Harry must have been talking about that pillow pet for ages. The group of Gryffindors quickly turned to look at Harry to see his reaction.

Harry stared in shock at Hermione. After a few seconds, he shook out of his stupor. His bottom lip started to quiver and his eyes became wide and filled with tears.

"Harry, come one. Please don't cry. Don't cry. I hate it when you cry." Hermione begged, feeling completely horrible, after seeing Harry's tears.

As Hermione tried to calm a sobbing Harry and tell him pillow pets are cool, a similar conversation went on at the other side of the Great Hall.

"Draco, I know you like that Happy Napper of yours, but you need to put it down. Your obsession with it is unhealthy." Pansy said, with a look of concern.

"No, it's not. I love Sparkle very much and want to show it to him." Draco said, with a frown at Pansy's comment.

"Wait, wait, wait." Pansy said quickly. "You named your Unicorn Happy Napper, Sparkle?"

Draco nodded his head quickly.

"And it's a guy."

Draco nodded again.

"Oh my wizard god, what the hell is wrong with you Draco? Do you need a healer?" Pansy asked as she started inspecting Draco, as if to see if he was ill or something.

Draco quickly tried to push her away and soon they were involved in a very intense sissy fight that had the Slytherins staring in amusement.

Meanwhile, back at the Gryffindor's table, Hermione was trying to comfort Harry.

"Harry, I'm sorry. Okay? Your unicorn Pillow Pet is cool." Hermione said soothingly.

Harry quickly stopped sobbing at Hermione's comment.

Hermione, thinking this was a good sign, pulled away from Harry and leaned back with a sigh.

After a few minutes of silence, Hermione was worried about Harry's silence. But before she could ask if he was all right, Harry spoke.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

Hermione spun to look at Harry in shock, at the amount of venom that was put into Harry's voice. Harry had a look of anger on his face and his left eye was twitching.

"What do you mean Harry?" Hermione asked with a little bit of fear.

"I mean, what did you just about Georgette?"

"Georgette?" Hermione asked.

"My Pillow Pet. I like the name George but I want my pillow pet to be a girl. So Georgette was born." Harry said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I just said your Pillow Pet, I mean Georgette," Hermione said quickly at Harry's glare. "Is cool. What's wrong with that?"

"The fact is that Pillow Pets aren't cool. They are the most awesomest things the world has ever seen!" Harry yelled.

The Great Hall became silent at Harry's outburst. It was a few seconds before any sound was made.

"What did you just say Potter?"

Everyone turned to face Draco at his outburst. Why would Draco Malfoy care about a Pillow Pet? A muggle thing?

"I said Pillow Pets are the most awesomest things in the world. Why do you care?" Harry said as he stood up.

"Because Pillow Pets aren't the most awesomest things in the world." Draco said with a smug smile.

"Oh really." Harry said with a raised eyebrow. "If Pillow Pets aren't the most awesomest things in the world, what are?"

"Happy Nappers are."

The Great Hall stared at Draco in shock. Draco Malfoy thought a muggle pillow was awesome? Was it the Apocalypse or something?

"You mean those copy pillows that try to be as awesome and cool as Pillow Pets, but aren't even close?"

"Don't you dare say such horrible things, Potter! Happy Nappers are amazing!" Draco screamed, his face red with rage.

"Oh yeah?" Harry screamed.

"Yeah!"

"You do know what we're going to have to do to solve this issue, don't you Malfoy?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I do."

The boys were silent before they both screamed.

"PILLOW WAR!"

**Posted:3/2/12 **

**Revised: 6/25/12**


	2. Shocking Pillow News

**Disclaimer: Not mine!**

**Summary: Harry has a pillow pet and Draco has a Happy Napper. Each think that theirs is better. There is only one way to solve this world crisis: Pillow War! Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing**

**Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing**

**A/N **Hey, hey, hey. It's me! And I'm back with another chapter! Whoot! :D lol

Anyhoo, thanks to everyone reading and reviewing, you guys rock and make my day better! :)

Please read, review and enjoy!

**xoxo bookfreak1317**

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><p>Everyone stared through the windows that showed the inside of the Great Hall, in shock, as they watched the pillow war happen between Harry and Draco.<p>

It had been five hours since Harry and Draco had declared 'War' and it didn't look like they were any close to stopping anytime soon.

The war inside had gotten so horrible, that everyone had fled for the fear of being attacked by the boy's pillows.

Draco and Harry had somehow spelled the pillows to fly and attack each other. And not only did they attack each other, the pillows kept attacking students and breaking anything in the Great Hall.

Professor McGonagall had tried to stop them, but soon after going back in the Great Hall, she came running out, screaming, and had been hidding in her office since.

The rest of the students then decided that the Great Hall was too dangerous to stay in and had fled, but soon after realized their school bags were still in there.

They had then drawn straws to decide who would go in and get the school books and bags, and two, poor 1st year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors had gotten the smallest straws.

Instead of showing the two sympathy, like these two houses usually would, they shoved the two 1st year boys through the Great Hall doors and shut the doors behind them.

The 1st years were inside the Great Hall for only a minute before the first years came running out of the Great Hall screaming and in tears.

No matter what the students did, they could not get the two to stop crying or say anything that made sense.

All they could make out was "Pillo... Wa... Pe... Fig..." And that was it.

After a while, the students got bored so they started playing games to pass the time.

"Zabini, do you have any twos?" Theodore Nott asked.

"Nope. Gold fish." Theodore took a card from the pile.

"Goyle, got any fives?"

"Yes." Goyle sighed as he gave Theodore his five.

"Wait a minute. Guys!"

Everyone turned to look at Ginny Weasley.

"They're no longer fighting!" Ginny said as she pointed at the window.

Everyone quickly ran up to the window and looked inside. Ginny was right, the pillows were no longer fighting. But weirdly enough, no one was in the Great Hall.

"Where the hell are they?" Hermione asked.

"I, I don't know." Ginny said.

"Well, let's go find out."

Everyone quickly filed into the Hall, looking around for the two of them, wanting to know what was going on.

The whole school searched the Great Hall from top to bottom, but there was no sign of the two of them.

"Where are they?" Pansy asked.

"I don't know." Hermione responded.

Everyone jumped and spun around as they doors to the Hall slammed open.

"Hi everyone!"

Everyone stared in shock as Harry and Draco skipped in, carrying their pillows together.

"There you two are!" Hermione cried before hugging them.

"What happened?" Pansy asked while also hugging them.

"Well, me and Dracie-poo got tired of fighting so we stopped to take a break!" Harry's chipper voice rang through the hall.

"Then during our break, mine and Harry-bear's pillows decided they loved each other and wanted to get married!" Draco said, taking over the story.

"So we searched and searched," Harry continued, "until we found the perfect priest, wedding theme and clothes."

"And after took care of all that, we went to the wedding as the best man and bridesmaid!" Draco sung.

"So long story short, our pillows got hitched!" The two boys exclaimed together.

"Wait. Your pillows got hitched?" Ginny asked in shock.

"Yup."

"And the Priest didn't think anything of it."

"Nope."

"... I don't know what to say." Ginny said, looking freaked out.

"Harry, are you sure the pillows were ready for this kind of commitment?"

Everyone looked at Hermione like she was crazy.

"What are you doi...?"

"Shhhhhh! I'm trying to understand what the hell is going on!" Hermione snapped at the watching crowd. Pansy got a look of understanding on her face and quickly walked over to the boys.

"Yeah, what if they weren't ready? What if they felt forced into the marriage? You wouldn't wanted that, would you Draco?" Pansy asked, feigning concern.

"Of course not!" Both boys yelled at once.

"We would never force them to get married!" Draco exclaimed.

"It was actually their idea." Harry continued.

"Their idea?" Everyone asked.

"Why would it be their idea to get married? Especially because they just met."

Draco and Harry looked at each other before they annouced together.

"Georgette is pregnant. With nonuplets. They're Sparkles'."

**Posted: 3/9/23**

**Revised: 6/25/12**


	3. Pillow Kids

**Pillow War**

**Disclaimer: I can dream, but dreams are usually not reality.**

**Summary: Harry has a pillow pet and Draco has a Happy Napper. Each think that theirs is better. There is only one way to solve this world crisis: Pillow War! Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing**

**Warning: crack!fic, pillow fight, minor swearing**

**A/N **Hey, sorry for taking so long to post this. Meant to post this a while ago, but my lap top broke down and then by the time it got fix, I was back at my mom's and I got no internet there! Yay! *not, cough, cough*

But anyhoo, I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. This is probably going to be the last chapter of this story. Gasp! Can you believe it? It's not a confirmed thing, but that's probably how it's gonna work out.

If this is the last chapter, I wanna thank everyone for reading this and give a special thank you to everyone who reviewed! Y'all just made my day and made me smile!

But if this isn't the last chappie, I'll see y'all next chapter!

But either way, pease read, review and enjoy!

**xoxo bookfreak1317**

**P.S. Also, if I could have at least 10 reviews on this story, I'll love y'all forever! ;)**

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><p>"Hermione, must we go visit them?" Pansy whinned, as Hermione dragged her towards Grimmauld Place.<p>

"Yes. For the thousandth time we have to." Hermione snapped.

"But why?"

"Because Draco and Harry want to introduce us to the Pillow kids and they will throw a tantrum if we don't."

"The pillow kids will throw a tantrum?" Pansy asked incrediously.

"No, the boys will."

"Oh."

The girls fell into an awkward silence as they got closer to Grimmauld place. As soon as the building came into view, Pansy started trying to pull away again.

"Hermione, I just remembered! I have something really important to do! Like, really, really important!"

"Just stop it Pansy. We have to go. So deal." Hermione snapped as she knocked on the door.

As soon as she knocked on the door, it flew open and the two girls were dragged in.

Both gave out an ear splitting screech before they realized what was dragging them inside.

Nine miniature, multi-colored unicorn Pillow Pet and Happy Napper hybrids were pulling and tugging on their clothes, while yapping on about how awesome it is to finally meet their 'aunties'.

The two girls stared in shock at the pillows, not sure what to say or how to react.

Soon the pillows realized what they had shocked the two girls and fell quiet.

After a minute of awkward silence, Draco and Harry came into the room.

"Hi! We didn't realize you two would be here so soon! Children, why don't you guys go play outside?" Harry said.

"Okay!" They all screamed and ran out the back door.

The room then quickly fell back into an awkward silence.

"So, would you two like some tea?" Harry asked, while wringing his hands.

"Sure." The two girls agreed.

Soon the four of them were all seated awkwardly around the kitchen table, unsure of what to say.

"So. You like the kids?" Draco asked.

"They, they seem nice." Hermione said awkwardly

"I like the colors of their um... Fur." Pansy threw in.

"Really? Oh good. Cause Georgette was telling me about these mean moms at the kids' daycare and apparently they're trying to get the kids kicked out because their colors are 'too bright and dangerous.'" Harry said, while rolling his eyes. "Like they really are. We all know that..."

"Boys!" Hermione and Pansy watched in shock as the grown up Pillow Pet and Happy Napper walked into the kitchen.

"Hi guys! What's up?" Harry and Draco asked.

"Could you watch the kids for us? We're going out for dinner." Georgette asked.

"Sure! Go right ahead!" Draco said with a huge smile.

"Awesome! We'll see you later!" Sparkle said with a smile.

"Oh, and it's a pleasure to see you two again!" Georgette called as they left the kitchen.

"Wait. Georgette and Sparkle are alive?" Pansy asked.

Draco and Harry nodded.

"All this time? Including the war in the Great Hall?" Hermione asked.

They nodded again.

"Why else do you think they were able to fight and get Georgette pregnant?" Harry asked with confusion.

Neither girl answered.

"Did you actually believe that only we thought they were actually alive?" Draco asked. "Because we may be crazy, but not that crazy."

The boys stared at the girls waiting for an answer.

Both girls were silent before Pansy exploded.

"But it made logical sense!"

"You two actually thought we were crazy!" Harry cried out.

"It made sense! They were just two pillows you guys were obsessed with then!" Hermione said in defense.

"Oh! I just can't believe you two!" Harry yelled before bursting into tears and running out of the kitchen.

The two girls stared in shock after Harry.

Why did he just burst into sobs?" Pansy asked.

"Because, you guys believe us to be crazy enough to believe supposedly 'inanimate' pillows could talk and make their own decisions!" Draco said angrily, while getting up.

"But it made sense!" Hermione cried in defense.

"Fine! We're crazy!" Draco yelled, before stomping out of the kitchen.

The girls sat together in silence for a minute before they both stimutaneously groaned and banged their heads against the table.

"Why do our friends always have to be the crazy ones?"

**Posted: 3/20/12**

**Revised: 6/26/12**


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